she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
