I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
