You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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