Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
