He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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