Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
