Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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