I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
