are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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