.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
