one two three fourrrrnication!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
