So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
