i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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