her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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