Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
