I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Who died my cat blue again?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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