I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
