her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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