The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
