Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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