I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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