i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
