He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
