I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
