Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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