I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
