I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
