Soap is not a condiment
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
