You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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