Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
