I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
