My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
that may or may not have been my penis.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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