just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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