Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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