I accidentally had phone sex last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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