OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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