I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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