Moan for me like Helen Keller
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you never un-have a 4some
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
