Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
