You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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