Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
