that's an acceptable place to lick
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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