are you still at the devil's house?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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