It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
