i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
