Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
