So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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