I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
