I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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