Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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