You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it glows. i had to have it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
