My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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