Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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