Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
