What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
