At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
