I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
