Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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