I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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