thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
